


stardew valley drabbles/imagines

by lameafpun



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:14:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23337460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lameafpun/pseuds/lameafpun
Summary: the thoughts that pop into my mind at 3 am when i can't go to sleep unleashed unto the world in the form of stardew valley fics.this is true chaos
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	1. ma'am please

“I’m gonna need about four boxes of donuts, four boxes of donut holes, and some superglue.”

_It is seven in the morning_ , is something that Shane doesn’t say. _That would be cheaper at Pierre’s_ is another thing he doesn’t say, though that’s more out of the need to keep his job.

“Ma’am, this is a jojamart.”


	2. secret note #23

Cold winter air stung Sebastian’s cheeks as smoke curled into the air from his lips. He rocked back onto his heels, sucking down the nicotine and watching the lake shimmer in the moonlight. Just another night.

_Rrrrrr_

Sebastian looked in the vague direction of the soft chuffing noise that sounding vaguely like an animal and abruptly froze. The cigarette dangled from his lips as he watched a bear squeeze through the entrance of the mines, a piece of paper clutched delicately between its teeth.

It didn’t take long doing whatever it needed to do in the mines, and struggled out through the clearly too small entrance without the paper shortly thereafter.

_Rrrrrr_

The bear looked up at him suddenly, as if it was just noticing he was there. Surprisingly intelligent eyes narrowed at him, pinning him to the spot, and Sebastian suddenly remembered Robin talking about how a bear could run at thirty five miles per hour and he hadn’t taken track and field since high school.

Acceptance at his probably inevitable demise settled in his chest. Visions of his horribly mauled body was already floating through his head. Demetrius would probably tap dance on his grave, though, the jerk.

_Grrrrr_

His eyes, which he had squeezed closed, slowly opened. The bear was on its hind legs and pointing its claws at him.

_I see you._

It drops back down onto all fours and lumbers away into the darkness, leaving Sebastian to stare at his cigarette, now pinched between his fingers.

Decision reached, he drops it to the ground and grinds it underneath the heel of his sneakers.

_I’ll go inside early tonight._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look i've found all secret notes in the mines and the mental image of the bear going down into the mines to hide it is and always will be hilarious


	3. breathable leather at a jojamart near you

_I have this crazy new idea that I want to involve you in... It's called "Clothing Therapy"._

_Please come to the Mayor's house today to see what it's all about._

_Love, Emily_

The curtains draw back.

You have to fight to not drop the glass of water you’d been nursing for the past half an hour as Emily had gotten her set up ready. Even so, you choke as Shane steps out in _full leather_.

 _I was not ready_.

Emily applauds him. The rest of the room follows as Shane stands there looking vaguely uncomfortable, though the applause encourages him to put a hand on his hip with a defiant set to his face.

 _Leather daddy Shane._ You shake your head and set your drink to the side to applaud as well. _Still not ready._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look i know the wiki says shane gets into a “goth” outfit but you can’t tell me that the first thing that came into your mind wasn’t leather daddy.


	4. musical fruit

You leapt in between the rows of produce, dancing clumsily as you went and nodding to the music coming from your bluetooth. The farm had surprisingly good acoustics. 

“Bently tints on, fendy prints on” 

The bass vibrated the very ground beneath your feet, shaking the dirt and the roots of your plants. 

“JEN! DO Y’ALL LIKE THE MUSIC?” 

You think you saw the leaves of big plant move, so you took that as a yes. You’d have to thank Emily later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idek but don't tell me that emily wouldn't be the one to tell the farmer that plants liked music


	5. dial g for garden

“Oh, hey uh—“ Sandy smiles lopsidedly at the guy-in-black-who-usually-stayed-at-the-back-of-her-shop. He had yet to tell her his name and he’d been standing there for the better part of a year. Privately, Sandy thought it was kind of rude but that wasn't the kind of thought you aired to a person who looked like they could make people disappear.“How can I help you?”

She trails off, a cold sweat breaking out on the back of her neck as he just stares at her.

_Oh Yoba, I’m going to die aren’t I?_

As much as she dislikes Joja for selling clothes and seeds much cheaper than she can afford to, she wishes she bought their Jaja-brand security camera. She was going to die without any documentation — oh, maybe she would turn into one of those cold cases and spawn at least three podcasts and a feature in a book about cold cases? It wasn’t much, but it cheered her up.

“Do you have any starfruit seeds?” The guy-in-black’s voice was so soft Sandy almost missed it.

“Oh — yes!” Sandy’s voice broke, unnaturally high. “Right here. How many packets?”

“Twenty five, please.” She handed them over in a daze, collecting the gold on auto pilot. He placed the packets carefully into a bag he'd produced as he made his way back to the doorway in the back. 

The cash register was full. _The cash register was full_. 

_Well_ , she thought, _I don’t have to mail Emily about a loan now_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look there is no way that sandy managed to support herself in the middle of the desert unless somebody there just really liked gardening and so here it is this is it this is my hc


	6. leaf them alone lmao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's a small town my dudes and we all know marnie and lewis aren't the most discreet people. this has totally happened

Shane’s vision was swimming and his feet felt unreasonably heavy. Burping, he stumbled to the side of the walkway, nearly but not quite catching himself on the lamp. Air rushed past his ears. He caught himself with his chin on the concrete. Meh, close enough.

Rustling penetrates through the daze. Woozily, Shane lifts his head to look at the bush that had somehow appeared in front of him— it was moving.

What —

“Marnie?” Her head pops out through the leaves, twigs sticking out of her hair and shoulders suspiciously bare. 

“SHANE!”

“ _Marnie_?” There’s something sparkly and purple he can see through the leaves.

She makes a move to help him when he sinks forward onto the pavement, abruptly giving Shane more knowledge of her than he ever wanted.

Yoba he hopes he doesn’t remember any of this tomorrow.


	7. gold is forever

Clint isn’t paid enough to worry about the intricacies of what he’s building. In the beginning, that is. Over the weeks, the commissions from the mayor paint a stranger and stranger picture that he really just would rather know less about but . . . nothing in life is free and he does have to eat.

But.

Clint looks at the blueprints. He’s a fairly skilled blacksmith if he does say so himself, and it doesn’t take much time to put it all together. Honestly he wouldn’t have a problem with it if it wasn’t for the well-known sorry state of the community center, but where was Lewis getting the money for this statue?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk man but lewis got that statue from somewhere and someone had to build it.


	8. fishy business

Lewis watched from the sidelines as the Governor spooned up some of the soup from the bathtub-looking bowl, sweating anxiously. The Governor slurped the still-steaming soup, humming and tilting his head as he swished it around his mouth.

 _Gross_. The farmer couldn’t hold back a subtle gag as the Governor started gargling, tapping the spoon against his chin as he ruminated on the soup’s taste.

They weren’t too anxious, they’d put in a premium quality fish they’re caught on the pier just a day ago, stored in the ice box so it didn’t lose any of its taste. Honestly they were somewhat sad they hadn’t saved it, they couldn’t imagine how the sashimi would have tasted —

“This soup is absolutely average.”

The farmer blinked. “WHAT?” They must have been mistaken.

Lewis, who had gone slack over in the sidelines, approached the soup like it was going to somehow gain sentience and bite him. He took a sip and - he nodded? “There’s nothing really outstanding about this soup.”

The Governor shrugged and turned to a nearby table to get a bowl to ladle soup into. “Well, I’m hungry so I might as well.” He chuckled and elbowed Lewis. “Not all years can be winners, am I right Lewis?”

It was fortunate he had turned away. He missed the other villagers swooping over to the farmer to hold them back, murder in their face.

Yes, there always was next year.

 _“I’ll add red mushrooms next year, you glorified eggplant!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was an iridium sardine. the governor has absolutely no gd taste


End file.
